You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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