Will you blow on my dice?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
