I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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