apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
