It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
