3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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