Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Boobs speak an international language.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
