I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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