Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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