Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
