someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
