Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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