I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
