Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Randomize
