They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
