he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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