he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
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I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
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i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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