You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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