ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
