I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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