I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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