Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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