I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
