My hair reeks of homosexuality.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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