ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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