I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
