I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
