Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
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I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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