I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
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I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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