I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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