i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
