Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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