I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
