Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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