best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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