oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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