doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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