Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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