Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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