Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
