Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
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Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
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PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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