omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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