So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
