At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
