I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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