Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
