It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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