Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
