I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I checked into jail on foursquare
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
