i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
