I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
