i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
