If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about youâ€
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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