can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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