he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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