how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
