ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
