seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
