And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
