I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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