I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
