my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
