were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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