if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
