One girl and one boy is just not enough.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
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can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
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I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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