hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
