im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i would one night stand the shit outta him
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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