Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
