My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
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