When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
