apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
