Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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