Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
