just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
